secret

Some words, I cannot tell others. I'm experiencing this, but strangers treat this only as a story. So I can tell the story here.

I like her. She is common and special. But we are in different countries. Before I left, I thought long distance won't be a problem. She also said that we could contact through many tools. What's the situation now? Just say good night everyday. It means nothing. I think it means only a task for her. She does that for finishing the task, not care me. I call her, text her. Nearly no response. Ask her the reason. I just want to say, don't treat me as an idiot.

If you don't want to continue the relationship with me. Why not just break up with me? You are great and I want to be with you. In this situation, how could I insist? Love is about a couple. Right! Maybe you just treat me as a friend. No! Any friend of mine cares me more than you do.

I won't say goodbye, because I think I love you. Though I think you will say that one day. I want to stop it but don't know how. That's my story without ending...

Nobody to talk

I heard that waiting for the offer was very tough. This time, I taste it.

It has been near the end of February, but I only have a rejection letter. Right, actually I haven't received that. I just got the message from the website. At first, it was hard for me to accept the truth. Since I was 6, I was never rejected by a school. I even got admission without tests. However, the situation has changed. I have to compete with all the applicants in the world. I'm not weak, but not so strong that I could win easily. Maybe I'm not so outstanding in some aspects. The most important thing is I believe in myself.

People around me who applied have got an offer or admission. I know, they doubt about me. I have to stand under the pressure. I have to finish every task perfectly. Paper... Master thesis... Necessary contact... Right, I could and must handle them.

My best friend always asks me why I have to push myself so hard. He thinks that I don't have to do all the staff. I could get my master degree, find a job, find a good girl, begin to have easy but happy life. That's true. But I know it's not what I want. I want my life to be more colorful. I want to travel around the world, meet different people, experience different cultures, most importantly, learn the most advanced technology. I need to have endless fresh ideas. Where do they come from? The world. I cannot just focus on one point.

Yes, this procedure is long and difficult. But it's worth trying. I believe whatever obstacle I meet, I could overcome it. What brings me the feel of success? The answer is breaking stones on my way.

Carry on!

Disappoint

I do not want my friends to see this passage, so it appears here. No one knows my blogger.

My mood is like the weather in Beijing now, rainy. The thunder seemed break my dream. I did worse than first time in TOEFL. How could it happen?

Since I was child, I have felt much pressure. I do not have a nice face, I do not have a family of great renown and influence. But I want to be outstanding. Then I worked so hard to gain others' admiration. And I did a great job, got what I deserved.

However, I lost myself since my college. Though I still worded hard, I cannot get so much progress in the exams. My performance cannot earn others' appreaciation. It seemed that I disappeared in the crowd. I got some progress on my luck? I cannot judge.

A new target appeared two years ago. First, I must get good scores in the GRE and TOEFL. My confidence declined little by little. There is a distance which seems difficult for me to get cross.

You may think I will give up. NO! NEVER! It seems dark in front of me. But I know, sunshine is just behind the darkness. And I believe I could use my hard work to beat the darkness and get my sunshine!

Never give up! Go! Hope is in front!

Fall in love

I think I have fallen in love. However, it made me embarrassed, because I can't make sure if she loves me. I'm trying my best to change me to fit her.
It's the first time that I have this feeling. Maybe I thought I like some girls, but the feeling is totally different this time.
I don't have experiences before, so it seems that I'm clumsy. Thanks for my friends' suggestion, though I can't promise it will work.
The feeling of love is perfect, but I must balance my work and life. It's a very important period of life now. Wish a bright future for us!

Holiday comes!

My last exam in my undergraduate period has ended for a week. I did some work in this week. Yesterday, I finished it. My holiday comes!

I haven’t planed it. Tomorrow my mother will come to buy something with me. I’ m looking forward to Starbucks.

Happy holiday!

What are you doing?

Hey, Peter! What are you doing? I really can’t stand what you did these days.

You lose yourself? You should make yourself clear, think about what you should do. Why you do these? Just for fun? But you got it? Absolutely no! And I know you don’t like this kind of life.

You did everything with your purpose before. But now, you even don’t know what you are doing. It’s not you. Yes, you are Gemini. But that’s not reason for everything. Control your behavior. You are not allowed to lose. YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT!!!

In the future, you will find more beautiful things, then what you will do then. Give up what you have got? So, you’d better just work hard and wait now. When the one comes, you will hug without regreting.

Peter, believe me like believe yourself. Because I’m yourself.

Love

I don’t know what the feeling of falling with someone is like. Like this? I can’t tell.

I’m not good at expressing myself. What’s more important is that I dare not. I’m afraid of failing. Maybe I should wait……

Am I right? The other reason is that I don’t know whether the feeling is right.

Do I think too much? I don’t know. Who get it? Help me.